Children of all ages have fits of rage, frustration, sadness, etc.
This is so developmentally appropriate! The human brain does not reach full maturation until the age of 25 (assuming there is no experienced trauma, etc.).
The last thing to develop is the frontal cortex, aka, logic center of the brain. Your child, threenager, or teenager will lose it emotionally…they will “act a fool” from time to time.
And you know what…? Let them.
There is no point in trying to get your child to respond rationally when they’re clearly emotionally volatile.
They will most certainly say something impulsive that can stir your anger and potentially get you to the place where you cannot think rationally too. If your child says shut up…stop talking. Not because you’re obeying them, but because they clearly are unable to hear anything you have to say in that moment.
Children want their parents to listen to them and to know that they will stand by them, even when they are being ugly, mean, and inconsolable. When you choose to listen, wait out their extreme emotions, and don’t add fuel to their fire, they see that you are trustworthy, unconditionally loving, and care about their thoughts and feelings.
In the moment, it will be very hard! It’s very likely that your child knows exactly what to say to get your blood boiling, but if you can wait it out, you are creating an opportunity for your child to be who they are at their worst and show them that you still choose to love them. This does wonders for your relationship and they will be more likely to come to you about difficult things in their life as a result.
This does not condone a bad attitude or negative behavior.
You can always (and should) have a conversation later (when they are completely calm) about their inappropriate reaction or misunderstandings and have a teachable moment. And because you listened to them, they will be a lot more likely to listen to and talk with you!
Believe me? If not, you can go back to yelling, telling your child to grow up already, doling out punishments during their and your anger, asserting you get the last word, making sure they know you think they are being ridiculous, and demanding their respect.
I know this sounds risky!
Potentially with the way things are going at home right now, trying this may seem too overwhelming.
If that’s true, then I hope you’re open to diving deeper into what your child truly needs. We can do that in a free consultation. Click here sign up for a day and time that works for you.
